Good start for a story?

I really like the beginning. It's full of suspense and your grammer is somewhat 100% correct. Also, it's really mysterious and it gives a hint of what's going to be in the story, but then you end it with a cliffhanger so it makes the reader want to know more! The only thing I don't like with your Chapter One (personally I think Preface is amazing) is that you tend to ramble too much about Onyx/Olivia. I mean, i get it that you're trying to describe the character's background but I think it's just too much. The reader will know these things later, but it's not a bad thing to say a few things at the beginning, but I just don't like it when people ramble. Overall, good job! I look forward to reading more if you post more! Good luck with your writing! xoxo